


The Heart Wants What It Wants

by awriterofthings



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28320396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awriterofthings/pseuds/awriterofthings
Summary: V getting injured leads to a big realization for Panam.
Relationships: Panam Palmer/Female V
Comments: 11
Kudos: 372





	1. Chapter 1

V approached her tent with a smile, having enjoyed her time with Panam just moments before. They had sat for hours just talking about anything that came to mind and it had been the most relaxed V had been in a while with everything going on with her head. When she slipped into her tent, she spotted Judy sitting on her bed. “Hey, Judy,” she greeted as she moved to sit beside the other woman. “What have you been up to?”

“Just thinking,” Judy answered, solemnly. “Actually, there’s been something I’ve wanted to talk to you about and I don’t think it should be put off any longer.”

V frowned and sat up a bit straighter. “Are you okay.”

“I will be, yeah,” Judy answered with a sad smile. 

“What’s going on? Did someone upset you? I can talk to them.” V made a move to stand up but Judy placed a hand on her knee. “No, nothing like that. Everyone here is great.”

V relaxed back onto the cot with a frown. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“I have a question about…” Judy paused for a moment before forging on, “your feelings for Panam.”

V’s frown deepened in confusion. “My feelings? Panam’s just a friend.”

Judy sighed. “I know she is, V. I’m asking if you’re in love with her.”

V opened her mouth to protest but then nothing came out. She got up from the cot instead and took a deep breath as guilt took over her. “Judy,” she began apologetically.

Judy held up a hand to stop her. “I’m not angry, but I don’t think we should be together anymore. I won’t be anyone’s second choice.”

“And you don’t deserve to be,” V agreed. “I do care about you, Judy.” 

Judy moved so that she was standing before V. “And I don’t doubt that, but it’s still best that we end this.” She placed a hand on V’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “No hard feelings. I’ll just need some space for a little while, okay?” Judy exited the tent and V sat down at the edge of the bed. She definitely hadn’t expected this turn of events. She had thought her feelings for Panam would wane with time if she ignored them long enough but that plan was flawed and apparently her feelings were obvious if Judy was calling her out on them. She should have never started anything up with Judy— not when she harbored these feelings for Panam.

After kicking off her boots, V laid down, her good mood from earlier gone. Hopefully in a few days, she and Judy could talk again. She really did care about the other woman and hoped they could at least maintain a friendship. As for her feelings for Panam… she had no idea how to deal with that.

A few days later, V was sitting at a table with Mitch talking about an errand that would require them to leave camp for at least a couple hours in order to gather all the things needed for a feast later. She wasn’t sure where the nearest market was, but she knew it wasn’t close.

“So, why do you want to do this?” Mitch asked, curiously.

“Boost morale. It’ll be good for everyone.”

“We can have a feast with the food we have here now,” Mitch pointed out.

V made a face that clearly showed her disagreement. “I want everyone to enjoy what they’re eating.”

Mitch smirked. “But especially Panam?”

“Everyone,” V emphasized. “And I just really need these ingredients, okay?” V held up the folded paper in her hand.

Mitch took the paper from V and unfolded it so he could read it over. “This is quite a list.”

“We have a lot of people to feed. Think we can manage to get at least most of it?” V had the money. She had saved a lot from her mercenary days and had a sizeable amount that would last her hopefully a while. She had replaced Dakota’s tech that she had accidentally fried and Panam had urged her to save the rest of the money in case it was needed in the ongoing mission to fix the shit going on in her head. A grocery run wouldn’t put too much of a dent in things, though.

“Yeah, but who’s cooking this fancy shit, V?” Mitch asked, amused. “We’re used to warming up cans of beans.”

“I’ll do the cooking,” V assured him. “And I’m sure a few others can help out.”

Mitch folded the list and handed it back to V. “You know we have to run this by Panam, right?”

V fiddled with the paper in her hand. “Yeah, I was hoping we could skip that part.” She knew Panam would say no. They were in unfamiliar territory and she wanted everyone laying low while they scouted and got a feel for their surroundings.

“Have you seen a pissed off Panam?” Mitch asked.

V sighed. “I have.”

“And do you want to deal with her temper when she finds out we left here with not so much as a word?”

V actually found Panam’s quick-to-temper attitude endearing. “I don’t mind.”

Mitch laughed. “I guess she’ll be getting a taste of what she put Saul through all the time.” Mitch scratched the side of his face as he thought about what he was going to do. “All right, V. I’m in.”

The sound of footsteps nearing them caused V to turn her head and she was greeted by the sight of Panam. She ignored the feelings that stirred in her at seeing the woman and greeted her with a smile. “Hey, Pan.”

“Hey.” Panam leaned against the table. “Mitch, can I borrow V for a moment?”

“Yeah, sure thing.”

Without being asked, V stood up and followed Panam. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” Panam began. “I was hoping you could tell me.”

“What do you mean?” V asked, feigning ignorance.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Panam pointed out. “And I’ve noticed that you and Judy are keeping your distance from each other. Did something happen there?”

V rubbed the back of her neck. “We’re not together anymore. She decided it’d be best if we were just friends.”

Once they were far enough away from camp, Panam stopped walking to face V. “I’m sorry, V. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s okay. It was the right decision,” V assured her. “And I didn’t tell you because you have a lot going on running things here.” Not the complete truth, but close enough to it.

“Don’t be a gonk, V. I’m always here for you. You know that. So, what happened? I thought you two were solid.”

“Um,” V looked down and kicked at the dirty. “We just wanted different things.”

Panam reached out to tilt V’s head up so that their gazes met. “And why have you been avoiding me?”

The action made V’s feelings erupt and the pang it caused in her chest reminded her of the unrequitedness of this situation. She turned her head away, pulling her face from Panam’s soft touch. “I haven’t been.”

Panam’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not an idiot, V. I know when I’m being avoided. Have I done something?”

V’s heart began to hammer in her chest. She wasn’t ready for another confrontation about her feelings, especially from the source herself. “Panam…I-,”

“Panam!” Cassidy called from a few feet away. “We need to run some stuff by you!”

Panam sighed and looked at V for a beat before responding to Cassidy. “Okay, I’ll be there!” She returned her gaze to V. “Sorry, duty calls. We’ll talk later?”

V nodded, relieved for the interruption. “Sure thing.”

V headed back to camp and found Mitch still at the table. “Looks like Panam’s going to be distracted for a bit. Ready to go?”

“You know, I was sitting here thinking,” Mitch stood up, “and on that list of yours, I think I recognized ingredients for pierogis. You know who loves pierogis?”

“Carol?” V answered, nonchalantly, as they began to walk towards Mitch’s vehicle.

“Panam,” Mitch corrected.

“Huh, must be a coincidence.”

Mitch laughed. “Must be,” he said before getting into his ride.

V let out a low groan, hoping Mitch didn’t decide to question her about Panam on this little trip of theirs.

A couple hours later…

Mitch was zooming down the road in a panic. He glanced over at V, who was holding a shirt soaked in blood to her side. “Hang in there, V.”

“I’m fine,” V said through gritted teeth. “I don’t think it hit anything important.” V’s phone buzzed for the umpteenth time and Mitch glanced at it, knowing who it was because he had received several very threatening messages from Panam. “We should answer her. Maybe calm her down a bit before we arrive.”

V picked up her phone and read the messages through blurry vision.

_Panam[12:16pm]: Why can’t I find you and Mitch?_

_Panam[12:45pm]: Seriously, where the hell are you?_

_Panam[1:21pm]: V, what the fuck?_

_Panam[2:03pm]: Answer your fucking phone, V._

_Panam[2:12pm]: I hope you have a very good reason why you guys left camp without telling a single fucking person you’d be gone this long._

_Carol[2:15pm]: What do you want me to write on your tombstone once Panam’s done with you?_

V dropped her phone back in the cup holder and pressed the shirt tighter to her wound. “Hey, if I record instructions on how to cook everything, will you make sure it gets done?”

Mitch glanced at V with wide eyes. “Uh, V, you’ve been shot. You have other things to worry about.”

“Please, Mitch. This is nothing. I just need stitches or something.”

“Yeah, or something,” Mitch muttered, stepping on the gas.

“I want the feast to happen. The camp needs it after everything that’s happened.”

Mitch shook his head. “Why is this so important to you?”

V winced as the pain in her side increased. “W-whenever I was having a bad day, Jackie would tell his mom and she would cook this amazing dinner and we would all hangout and eat. Maybe play a few games and just enjoy each other’s company. Those moments were always so precious to me. Mama Welles taught me how to cook so I figured I could use that talent to do something good for the family for once instead of bring chaos down on you guys. Besides, Panam loves pierogis.”

Mitch laughed despite the situation. “I knew it.” He then glanced at V with seriousness. “And no one did anything without knowing what they were getting into, V. You are family. We’ve got your back just like you’ve got ours. Hell, you’ve proven that today, haven’t you? Can’t believe you took that fucking bullet for me.”

“Did it for myself. Figured if I were dead, I’d avoid Panam’s wrath,” V joked before she began to cough up blood.

“We’re almost there, V. Just hang in there.” Mitch could tell V was struggling with staying awake. “V, hey! Come on, just stay alert. It’s not much longer.”

The last thing V remembered hearing before she passed out was, “Damn it, Panam’s going to rip us new ones for sure.”


	2. Chapter 2

Mitch pulled up to camp and jumped out of his truck, calling for help as he dashed to the other side to get V out of the car. Cassidy raced over with a few others as Mitch carried V towards the ripperdoc’s trailer.

“What the hell happened?” Cassidy asked.

“Took a bullet,” Mitch answered, moving as quickly as he could. “Where’s Panam?”

“Right here,” Panam rushed over, having heard the commotion from her tent. “Who did this?”

“Some assholes trying to rob us.” Mitch entered the ripperdoc’s trailer and placed her down on the chair.

Wes, their ripperdoc, quickly got to work, examining V while Mitch and Panam stood nearby waiting to hear his assessment.

Mitch looked at Panam, who looked pale with worry. “I got mouthy with our would-be robbers and one of them went to shoot me. V stepped in front of me and zeroed them both before she even hit the ground. I didn’t know she was that fast. Real badass.”

Panam rolled her eyes and gestured to V. “Oh yeah, real badass bleeding to death.”

Mitch looked guiltily at V before looking back at Panam. “It was my fault. They wanted our weapons but I had Scorpion’s pistol. I couldn’t just let some lowlife gonks take it, Pan.”

Panam’s anger dissolved at hearing Scorpion’s name but it was replaced with sadness and worry. Worry that she was about to lose someone else. “What the hell were you two thinking? Where’d you even go?”

Wes cleared his throat to gain their attention. “It’s a through-and-through. Nothing vital was hit. She’s just lost a lot of blood. I’ll get her patched up and we’ll go from there. Might need to get a blood transfusion.”

“Just let me know what you need and you’ll have it,” Panam said before exiting the trailer.

Mitch reluctantly left as well to follow after her. “Pan,” he began. “I’m sorry, okay? V wanted to run an errand and knew you wouldn’t want us to go so-,”

“So you went without saying a goddamn word,” Panam snapped, her anger returning. “What was this errand?”

“We needed food and ingredients.” Mitch held up a hand before Panam could berate him for that. “V really wanted a feast tonight. She wanted everyone having a good time and enjoying a good meal. Things have been a little tense, ya know? And you’ve been stressed with this new role. She noticed and wanted to do something to ease that. She just wanted to make you happy, Panam. And even bleeding out in my rig, she asked me to make sure it gets done so I’m going to gather some folks and we’re going to figure out how to cook city food.”

“City food?” Panam repeated.

Mitch smiled. “Can’t promise my pierogis will taste as good as what you’re used to but V wants you to have them so I’ll do my best.”

Panam sighed. “That gonk,” she said with no real bite to her words. She was touched that V wanted to do something nice for her but she definitely didn’t like what it had cost her. She glanced at the ripperdoc’s trailer hoping Wes was right about V being okay.

Judy rushed up to them, worry etched on her face. “Is it true? Something happened to V?”

“She was shot,” Mitch confirmed. “Through-and-through; no vital organs hit. She should be fine.”

Judy relaxed a bit at hearing that. They might not have spoken since their break-up but that didn’t make V any less important to her. “You’ll keep me updated?” She looked to Panam.

Panam nodded. “Of course.”

“Hey, you’re a city girl,” Mitch stated. “Let’s talk.” He gestured towards his rig. “V has assigned me a task and I’d like to not make a complete mess of it.”

As Mitch and Judy walked off, Panam found herself going back to the trailer. She sat on the opposite side to stay out of Wes’ way and thought back to what Mitch had said. She just wanted to make you happy, Panam. If only V had known that she made her happy just by being around, maybe she would’ve stayed her ass at camp. “Fucking pierogis,” Panam whispered but her lips still formed a fond smile. That was one thing she loved about V— how she listened so intently. V cared about everything and anything she had to say and that meant so much to Panam. V meant so much to her.

V’s eyes shot open and she immediately moved to sit up but a sharp pain in her side told her that was the wrong move. “Fuck,” she hissed out.

“Whoa there.” Judy gently helped guide V back down onto her cot. “You’re okay.”

“Judy?” V let out in a dry, scratchy voice.

“The one and only,” Judy confirmed as she picked up a bottle of water. “How’re you feeling?” She opened the water and placed one hand under V’s head as she helped her take a few gulps.

“Thanks,” V let out as her head dropped back to her pillow. “And I’m feeling okay all things considered.” A delicious smell hit V’s nose, wafting in from outside her tent and she picked up on the music playing, though it wasn’t too high. She smiled, pleased. “Mitch got the party going, huh?”

Judy smiled. “With a lot of help from yours truly. The whole feast thing was a great idea, V. All we’re missing is you. Everyone will be happy to know you’re up. You actually just missed Panam. She refused to leave your side. Mitch almost had to carry her out of here.”

“Thank you for helping, Judy,” V said, voice still a bit scratchy. “I’m sorry about how things went with us. I hope you know-,”

“V,” Judy cut her off, gently. “The heart wants what it wants. I told you before that I’m not upset. Please don’t worry about it. We’re good.” And she meant that. V had never done anything to intentionally hurt her. Quite the opposite. Judy stood up and gestured behind her. “I’ll go tell the others you’re up.”

After only a few seconds of Judy being gone, Panam entered V’s tent and hurried to her side with a plate of pierogis in her hand. “Hey, it’s about time you got up.”

The music that had been faint before was now blasting through into V’s tent and V could hear everyone singing along, yelling, “I was a teenage outlaw with no worries on my mind! And now I’m getting older, my heart is getting colder all the time!”

Panam rolled her eyes. “Those fools. I told them to keep things quiet so you could rest.”

V reached out to grasp Panam’s hand as the woman made a move to leave to chide her fellow nomads. “It’s fine,” she smiled. “This is what I wanted.”

Panam matched V’s smile. “For everyone to have a good time?”

“Yeah,” V confirmed. “Are you having fun?”

“I am, actually,” Panam admitted. “Other than having to worry about your gonk ass, I’ve been enjoying this feast you and Mitch made happen.” Panam sat down on the stool by V’s bed. “Thanks, V.”

“Anytime,” V answered before gesturing to the plate. “Did those turn out okay?”

“They’re not bad at all,” Panam assured her. “I’ve maxed out my food intake, though. I brought these in for you.”

“I’m not too hungry.”

“Doctor’s orders.” Panam picked up one of the dumplings and held it to V’s lips. “Just a bite, okay? Got to get your energy back up.”

V did as she was told and let out a light hum. “Not bad.”

“Told you,” Panam said before setting the plate down on the nightstand. “Hey,” she began, tone turning serious. “We’ve got to talk.”

“I’m not sorry,” V let out. “And I know that’s not what you want to hear but it’s true. Well, I guess I am a bit sorry for going over your head. I didn’t mean to disrespect your authority or anything like that. I just knew the camp needing something uplifting. And you’ve been so stressed out lately, Panam. You needed this just as much as everyone else. I’d do it again with the same outcome just to see you get to relax.”

Everything Panam was going to say left her and she instead held out a dumpling to V’s mouth again. “Come on, gotta finish at least two of these.”

V ignored the food, worried that Panam’s silence meant that she was going to quietly seethe instead of letting her anger out. “Hey, you can still yell at me or whatever.”

Panam let out a light laugh. “I don’t want to yell at you, V.”

“Okay, then what is it?” V asked, gently pushing Panam’s hand aside. “There’s something bothering you. I can tell.”

Panam set the pierogi back onto the plate with a sigh. “I’m just not used to people going out of their way to see me happy. It’s… overwhelming? Nice? I don’t know.” Panam shook her head. “I’m just taking it in, okay?”

“Okay.” V moved to sit up and winced at the action.

Panam placed a hand on her shoulder, carefully pushing her back. “You need to rest.”

“I don’t want to just lie here,” V whined. “Besides, I feel gross. I need to wipe myself down at least.”

“Wes said you needed bedrest,” Panam said, sternly, leaving no room for argument. “I’ll go get a bucket with some warm water.” She stood and placed a pierogi in V’s hand. Eat.”

V watched Panam leave and missed her presence instantly. Shit, get it together, V. She thought. No pining. Don’t be pathetic. She took another bite of the dumpling, which she would’ve finished in one bite for sure if she wasn’t feeling so weak. She definitely wasn’t feeling this whole bedrest thing either. Finishing off the pierogi, V tried once again to sit up. She muttered a few curses until she was finally sitting on the edge of her cot.

Mitch strolled in at that moment and met her with a disapproving gaze. “Are you supposed to be up?”

“Not you too,” V groaned.

Mitch laughed. “You feeling okay? You need anything?”

V held out a hand and Mitch carefully helped her to her feet. “Thanks, I just need to stretch my legs.”

Panam entered the tent with a bucket in one hand and a fresh washcloth in the other. At seeing V on her feet, she set the bucket down and placed a hand on her hip. “Damn it, V, are you hard of hearing? You need to rest.” She then turned her fiery gaze to Mitch. “And what are you doing? Helping her escape?”

“Relax, Pan. Let her see everyone. They’re all asking about her.”

“We’ll see,” Panam said, simply. “Go.”

“Sorry, V,” Mitch said, “Nurse Panam has spoken.”

“Oh fuck off,” Panam said, lightheartedly.

“I’ll catch you later, Mitch,” V said, amused.

Once he slipped out of the tent, Panam returned her attention to V. “You’re going to have to learn to take it easy. At least for the next few days.”

V smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” She gestured to the bucket. “Thanks for the water. I shouldn’t be long.”

Panam shook her head. “I’m not leaving you to do this yourself. You’ll probably end up pulling your stitches out. I’ve got you.”

V’s smile fell at the realization of what was about to happen. There was no way she’d survive Panam touching her so intimately. “I-uh, it’s…” V let out a frustrated sigh as words failed her. She took a breath and tried again. “I’ve got it, Pan. It’s okay.”

“Hey,” Panam said, softly, placing a hand on V’s shoulder. “It’s just me. You don’t have to be embarrassed, V.”

If only Panam knew exactly why she was so embarrassed, she wouldn’t put her through this torture. She had thought of Panam in… intimate ways before but this definitely hadn’t been how any of her dreams played out. V was brought out of her thoughts when she felt a tug on the hem of her shirt.

“Lift your arms slowly,” Panam instructed. “Let me know if it hurts too much.”

V did her best to keep her breathing steady and her heart from racing as she did as she was told. Once her shirt was off, Panam tossed it aside and moved her hands to V’s belt buckle. Holy shit. V thought. She was sure her brain was going to short circuit. She was going to pass out. Hell, that would be welcome. V gently moved Panam’s hand away. “I can manage,” she said, sheepishly. She undid her belt but her nerves were making her hands shake.

Panam turned away and grabbed the bucket to move it closer to the cot. V was relieved her attention was on something else as Panam grabbed the liquid soap V liked to use and poured some in the bucket.

V unbuttoned her pants and went to push them down, hissing when her stitches pulled a bit. Panam was up in a flash and at her side.

“Hey, I’ve got you,” Panam assured her, helping her sit. Panam pulled the pants the rest of the way off and then helped V lay back down.

V hated Panam seeing her this way. It wasn’t sexy at all. At least her underwear and bra matched. She let out a snort at the thought.

“What’s funny?” Panam asked as she soaked the washcloth in the water.

“I feel like an idiot,” V answered as she stared up at the ceiling. She heard the water being squeezed out of the cloth and knew Panam would be over to her soon. She closed her eyes thinking maybe that would help this be less awkward for her. 

“You’re far from being an idiot, V.” Panam sat on the edge of the cot. “You saved Mitch’s life today and you did a nice thing for the family. You’re the sweetest person I know.”

V felt the warmth of the cloth touch her collarbone and actually found herself relaxing as Panam gently scrubbed her clean.

“You know,” Panam began. “I thought you’d have more implants, being the best merc in Night City and all.”

V kept her eyes closed as she spoke. “I like to keep things subtle.”

The cloth moved down over the top of her breast and V couldn’t help the light gasp that escaped her. She hoped there was a chance Panam didn’t hear it.

“These abs of yours sure aren’t subtle,” Panam joked.

Playfulness. Now that V could do. “Gotta give the ladies something to admire.”

Panam laughed. “Is that all you have going for you?”

“I mean, I have a preem personality.” V opened her eyes and regretted it as the sight of Panam looking at her caused her heartrate to accelerate. How could one woman be so gorgeous?

Panam caught herself staring into V’s eyes, her hand unmoving as it rested with the washcloth on V’s stomach. She regained her focus and hoped her blush couldn’t be seen in the dim light of the tent. “Wes did a great job stitching this up,” she said as she carefully washed around the wound. “Won’t scar much.” Panam moved the washcloth to V’s uninjured side. “For a moment, before Wes reassured us, I thought I was going to lose you, V. Shit was scary.”

V placed a hand over Panam’s, stilling her actions. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“You know I care about you, right? You’re my best friend. I… kind of enjoy having you around so I need you to be more careful.”

V smiled. “And I kind of enjoy being around you, so yeah, I can do that.”

Sitting there staring into V’s eyes, Panam felt differently. Almost losing V had made her realize that a life without the woman wasn’t something she wanted… ever. It forced her to see that there was more to their relationship. Saying V was her best friend was the truth, but it was also a coward’s way to explain her feelings and actions away. V was more than just her best friend. V kind of felt like her soulmate.

“Pan?” V’s breath hitched in her throat.

Panam pulled herself from her thoughts and saw that she had abandoned the washcloth and her thumb was currently caressing the skin just under V’s right breast. She stilled her thumb but didn’t move her hand. She met V’s gaze and after a beat, she found herself leaning down slowly. As she got closer to V’s lips, she waited for the other woman to stop her if she wanted to, but instead, V leaned up to capture her lips in a kiss.

V’s hand reached up to cup the side of Panam’s face as the kiss deepened and Panam tossed the washcloth aside before moving to hover over V’s body. V broke the kiss and trailed her lips over Panam’s jawline before kissing her once more.

It had been a while since Panam had been with anyone and even then, she had never felt like this. Desire pooled in her belly and she needed V’s touch more than she needed air. She was relieved when she felt V undo the button on her jeans and dip her fingers slightly down past the waistband.

“Is this okay?” 

Panam nodded in response.

V dipped her hand the rest of the way down and pushed the fabric of Panam’s one piece and underwear aside before her fingers met Panam’s clit.

“Fuck,” Panam moaned out, now grateful for the loud music outside.

V damn near came from the sound alone. This wasn’t how she had ever thought this would go but it was perfect and she almost didn’t believe it was happening but the pain in her side told her it was very much real. She ignored the pain and kept rubbing Panam, watching the gorgeous brunette’s eyes lose focus as pleasure overtook her.

“Hey, look at me, Pan,” she whispered as she maneuvered two fingers to Panam’s entrance. “Can I?”

Panam locked eyes with V and kissed her as a response. V pushed inside of her, pressing her thumb against her most sensitive region. Panam moaned into the kiss as she moved her hips in time with V’s fingers, finding a rhythm.

“God, you’re so beautiful, Panam.” V stared up at Panam in awe. She could absolutely worship this woman for the rest of her life.

“You feel so good in me, V,” Panam let out, squeezing her eyes shut as pleasure built up inside her.

“Shit,” V groaned at Panam’s words. She didn’t think she’d ever been this turned on. “Keep your eyes open,” she ordered.

Panam’s eyes opened and she did her best to keep them locked with V’s. She bit her lower lip, only letting out moans every now and then as she tried to stay quiet. Her orgasm was approaching fast and she dropped her head to the crook of V’s neck as her arms gave out.

V flipped them over, not paying the slightest attention to the burning in her side. She moved down the bed and pulled Panam’s jeans off before moving back between her legs. “I want to taste you.”

Panam slipped her fingers through V’s hair and pushed her head down. V smiled and wasted no time pressing her lips to Panam. She swirled her tongue around and tried to keep Panam’s hips still as they pushed up off the cot.

Panam’s head snapped back and a few jerky breaths escaped her before she stiffened. V continued to run her tongue over Panam slowly as she rode out her orgasm and after a few seconds, she pulled away to admire Panam’s post-orgasmic state. “So fucking gorgeous,” she whispered. She went to move up the bed and winced as the pain in her side finally registered. She realized her stitches had torn and blood was seeping out of the wound.

“Shit!” Panam shot off the cot and grabbed V’s shirt from the floor to press it to her wound. “Damn it,” she cursed herself. “I’m sorry, V,” she said, guiltily. She had been so caught up in her pleasure that she had forgotten about the injury. Panam grabbed V’s hand and placed it over the shirt. “Just hold that.” She quickly put her jeans back on, avoiding eye contact with V.

“Wait,” V reached for Panam’s hand. “It’s fine. Let’s just-,”

Panam pulled her hand from V’s and stepped back. “I’ll get Wes.”

V frowned as Panam left and the ache in her chest hurt more than her stupid wound. She tossed her shirt to the floor and pulled on her pants. She blinked a few times as her eyes began to water and she wiped at them in frustration. What had she done wrong?


	3. Chapter 3

Panam knew V would probably be upset with her. She was upset with herself. And to make matters worse, a day had gone by without her being able to explain herself and she knew V had to think she was avoiding her on purpose despite the text message she had sent to ensure V knew that she was just busy with her leadership duties. V hadn’t responded.

Panam approached V’s tent and called for her but after a few seconds of no response, she entered anyway. Seeing the space vacant, she exited the tent and headed over to Mitch, who was wiping down his rig. “Hey, Mitch, have you see V around?”

“I have,” Mitch nodded. “She’s a bit moody today. Probably because she can’t do as much as she’d like until she heals. She was on strict bed rest yesterday and was dying to go for a walk.”

“A walk?” Panam repeated in disbelief. 

Mitch shrugged. “I tried to tell her it wasn’t the best idea but like I said, she wasn’t in the mood to listen.” Mitch pointed to the direction he had seen V head off in. “She went just down that way. Probably hasn’t gotten far.”

“Thanks, Mitch,” Panam said before heading to her rig. It was good that they’d be away from camp for this talk anyway. She just hoped V would hear her out.

V was sitting with her eyes closed, her back against a boulder, just enjoying the quiet when the sound of a vehicle nearing made her eyes open. Her heart immediately skipped at the sight of Panam and she cursed the involuntary reaction. She may have been upset with Panam for running out on her but that didn’t change how she felt. 

Panam exited her rig and approached V. “Didn’t get very far. Your side okay?”

“Yep,” V answered, simply.

Panam shifted on her feet, hating that V was angry with her. “Are you sure? I could check?”

“I’m fine,” V answered, as she picked up a small rock and began to busy herself with turning it between her fingers. Anything that would keep her focused on something other than the woman who had hurt her. 

“V,” Panam began. “About the other day…”

“We can forget about it,” V said, eyes still on the rock. 

“I’m-,”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Panam. We can still be friends.” V wasn’t saying anything that she had actually wanted to say. She had run this conversation through her head multiple times but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to say anything that would cause her to lose Panam, even if just as a friend. 

“Will you shut up,” Panam huffed. “Stop guessing what you think I’m going to say and let me speak.” She moved to sit beside V. “And will you lose the fucking rock?”

V reluctantly tossed the rock to the side and waited for Panam to continue.

“I’m sorry that I ran out on you yesterday,” Panam began. “I was just embarrassed. I basically jumped you.”

“I was very into what we did,” V assured her. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want.”

“I know. I just should’ve waited. You’re hurt and needed rest not sex. And it’s just not what I’m like… usually.”

V looked at Panam, curiously. “What are you like?”

Panam leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to V’s lips before pulling away with a smile. “Like that.”

V returned the smile. “We can take things slow, Panam. I honestly don’t care if we never have sex again; I just… I just want to be with you.”

Panam knew V was being sincere with her words and she had never felt so wanted. “V, why do you want to be with me?” A lot of people had wanted to be with Panam for numerous reasons. Usually it was nothing more than they found her attractive. She knew it was more than that for V and she desperately wanted to know what the other woman saw in her. 

V pressed a fist to her chest as she spoke. “You make my heart crazy,” she answered without hesitation. “It flutters and shit when you’re near. When you’re too busy to hang out with me, I miss you deeply. Just seeing a glimpse of you moving around camp warms my heart. And you’re so passionate about the things you love—whether it’s family or stargazing.” V smiled as she thought about how excited Panam got talking about the sky. “I love seeing how happy talking about the stars makes you. I just… I want to be one of the reasons you smile. If I could just spend the rest of my life making you happy, I’d be so fulfilled. Honestly, there are so many reasons why I want to be with you, Panam.”

Panam was speechless. She definitely hadn’t expected the answer V gave her.

V looked sheepishly at Panam. “That was too much, wasn’t it? I’m-,”

“a romantic, apparently,” Panam cut her off with a grin. “You really feel that way?”

“How could I not?” V asked. “You’re an amazing woman.”

Panam was silent for a beat before crashing her lips to V’s. V was caught off guard for a moment before she placed a hand behind Panam’s neck and returned the kiss with vigor. A few more seconds passed and Panam finally pulled away for air. “How did someone so damn sweet come out of Night City?” She said more to herself than V. She let out a breath and V could sense something was wrong.

“Panam, what is it?” V asked, gently.

“You’re so good at this,” Panam stated. “I’ve never had a stable relationship. I’m not good with talking about feelings and expressing myself… in a healthy non-shouting way.”

V reached out and moved a strand of hair behind Panam’s ear. “We can work on it, but I’m not trying to turn you into someone you’re not, Pan. I just want to go through this thing called life with you by my side.”

“Okay, you can’t say I didn’t warn you. If you’re all in, I’m all in.”

“I’m definitely all in; poor communication skills and all,” V joked. She remembered what Judy had told her a couple days ago and smiled. “The heart wants what it wants.”

Panam chuckled. “That it does, V. That it does.” She stood up before holding a hand down to V. “Ready to head back to camp?”

V took Panam’s hand and carefully stood up. “Yeah, I could use a nap. Getting shot really takes it out of you.”

Panam eyed V suspiciously. “I think you’re just trying to get out of chores.”

“Hey, I’ll pull my weight when I’m at a hundred percent,” V placed a hand tenderly to her side, “which might be in a couple more weeks.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure,” Panam scoffed before playfully bumping her shoulder to V’s. “I can stay with you until you fall asleep but then I’m meeting with Mitch to discuss the camp’s next move.”

V reached for Panam’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “That’s fine. You can come back around when you’re done if you want. We can talk.”

“About what?” Panam asked, curiously.

V shrugged. “Whatever you want to talk about.”

Panam smiled. “That sounds good, V.”

As they got into the rig, a thought hit Panam. “V, does Judy know how you feel about me?”

V nodded. “It’s why we broke up.”

“God, she must hate me.”

“She doesn’t,” V assured her. “She was hurt but she gets it. Judy’s a great catch. She’ll find the right person for her.”

Panam still felt bad. She guessed one of these days she would have to sit down and have a talk with Judy about the situation. She definitely wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

Panam exited V’s tent just as Judy was approaching and she immediately felt her guilt creep back up. Here she was with V’s heart when just days ago, Judy thought it belonged to her. “Hey,” she waved, awkwardly.

“Hey,” Judy replied. “V, okay?”

“Yeah, she’s actually sleeping. A walk she took earlier wore her out.” Panam gestured over to where she saw Mitch sitting. “I need to go talk to Mitch about camp-related things.”

“Actually, do you have a sec?” Judy asked. “I’m guessing you know V and I aren’t together anymore?”

Panam guessed she was having this conversation sooner than she wanted to. “Yeah, um, she told me.”

“And you know why?” Judy asked, trying to gauge how much information V had told Panam.

“I do.” Panam shoved her hands in her back pockets. “I’m sorry about how things turned out for you and V. I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear that from. We’ve decided to give things a shot.” Panam didn’t see a point in hiding it. Word would get around eventually. 

“I just want V to be happy. She deserves it. And I want you to know that I don’t harbor any ill will or anything like that. I don’t want things to be weird. You don’t have to tiptoe around me.”

Panam relaxed a bit. “You’re a good person, Judy. You’ve been a great addition to the family.”

Judy smiled her thanks. “Glad to be here. Anyway, I’ll let you get to it.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you around,” Panam said before she made her way over to Mitch, who looked up from cleaning his gun. “Hey, how’re things?”

“Good… really good,” Panam answered as she sat beside him. She was glad things between her and V had been hashed out and that they were going to do the whole relationship thing. She was grateful Judy wasn’t an unhinged ex who would kill her in her sleep. The camp was doing well and things seemed to be looking up. 

“You seem…,” he squinted his eyes as he studied her, “happy?”

“Yeah, I am actually,” Panam grinned.

“Good to hear,” Mitch said as he went back to cleaning his gun. “Ready to tell me how V pulled her stitches out?”

Panam’s blush was immediate and she rolled her eyes. “You’re such an idiot,” she huffed before standing up.

“I’ve got eddies riding on your answer, Pan!” Mitch called after her with a chuckle.

Panam held her middle finger up at him as she continued to walk off but she couldn’t help a small smile. She made her way back to V’s tent and got onto the cot beside her.

V’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled at the sight of Panam. “Thought you had a meeting with Mitch?”

“It’s postponed until he stops being a fool,” Panam replied, simply.

“Everything okay?” V asked.

Panam cuddled into V. “Everything’s perfect."


End file.
